Coping with negativity on a daily basis

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I asked my followers on instagram, what would they be interested to read about in my next article. There was three mutual responds, how to cope with stress, with fear and how to create healthy balanced routine. And it would be fair to say that I really love to explore and give my insights on mental health. I am not an expert of course, but mental health is definitely one of the main topics that inspires me and has a big influence on my art.

Being in a process of maintaining a healthy life style I am carefully listening to my body. What feels right and wrong to it. Comparing my conditions between last and this year. 2022 gives me a great vision on how successfully dedicate yourself to something much bigger than yourself. I remember one year before, in 2021, I was listening to one of my favourite musicians and songwriters, Moses Sumney, and one of his songs has such lyrics:

“ I wish I could dedicate my life

My life to something bigger

Something bigger than me

The Earth ever spins on its axis

I’m spinning in echopraxis

My life doesn’t belong to me”

By listening this song on repeat, each time plunged me deeper and deeper into thoughts and strange feelings. These words resonated with me so much, that I was lack for words to explain what visions his song evoked in me. All I could do was to cry. Cry because I was so scared to live my life without purpose, I was scared that every second of it flowed like water through my fingers and was just as elusive. Stress was at a highest level because no idea would emerge, on how to fast and successfully get out of the dark hole I was mentally in. Because of this I constantly felt pressure in my chest. Good to mention that I am all or nothing person, and in my imagination everything has to happen at the click of a finger. That’s how unprocessed my ego was. If I could only imagine back then how my life will change in a very short period of time, when the war came into my house.

And it was real, everything changed at the snap of a finger, just only at a very cruel price. There wasn’t a split second left to think, there were only actions left, the intuitive choice of which outlined the future path. Standing on the edge of the peak, you take a step forward into the unknown, fall into the abyss, and the only thing that gives you wings is faith in God. While you are falling, your whole life flashes before your eyes. The value of maternal warmth, paternal protection, the value of family, gratitude for life and for everything that you were lucky enough to experience and live until the very moment of fall. When your lungs begin to lack oxygen, only at that moment do you understand the value of air.. and your lungs. I bet, a lot of people who gone through traumatic experience will agree with me.

Being in real danger to your life, and not one that your brain comes up with out of boredom, you begin to appreciate every moment you live. Moreover, you begin to appreciate all living things around and realise the connection of all living things with each other, you realise the unity. It is a pity that such insights are given to modern humans at such a high price. But whatever it is – this is certainly a blessing. It’s a push to become a better version of yourself, a push towards enlightenment and purpose. Of course this path isn’t covered with rose petals, it’s still thorny. But this is not at all scary, as we often imagine. With every new step into the unknown, it becomes interesting what is waiting for us next. Realising that universally we aren’t in control of our life, we might shift the focus onto ourselves. By starting the change from within, we are changing the world around us. It doesn’t really matter what we are at the moment of the questioning, it does matter what do we tend to become. What is the intention. What are we willing to sacrifice for ourselves.

My decision was – I want to be strong. There’s no doubt, that the connection between mental and physical health is obvious and inextricable. In a healthy body there’s a healthy mind, and this is the golden rule. I made this year a time to meet myself. For instance, contrast shower was a game changer. On a daily basis for a bit over than half year it definitely made me stress-resistant and hardened. At first it was a terribly unpleasant task, but I swear to God, this is a wonderful exercise for nervous system, the bonus of which is also a healthy skin, great mood, and general refreshing. Gym and running 3/3 days a week, as a woman monthly I give myself 5-7 days break. You can choose any activity you like and what makes you happy. The main purpose – is to be in action, giving yourself an hour a day to focus on your physique and free your mind from all the worries. This is your ‘me time’ kinda thing. It forces you to be in contact with your body, feel how your muscles evolve, your posture improves and along with this your self esteem and sense of self increase. This awakens the desire to go outside more often and enjoy fresh air, the desire to see the beauty around.

Speaking of mental health, and brain activity, just as muscles it needs exercise to be trained. For example, I love reading, reading aloud for myself. So I not only gain knowledge, increase my vocabulary in several languages, but I also work on pronunciation and voice production. This exercise help me a lot with singing, which I also love. Professional vocal abilities aren’t so important as a desire and ability to enjoy your voice. The vocal energy that we create vibrates and the vibration travels in all directions through the air, and when it reaches our ears, our brain interprets it as a sound. So, it’s also a good practice to work on our sound to be more gentle and caring. This can be a form of healing too. It makes us focus, and by this shift our thought process into the observer mode. Such as meditation too. All achievements in any field that we choose depend on our dedication to it. Everything is like in school or college, only we set the grades ourselves. This is great, because we learn to balance in this environment. Balance between our musts and wants. May your laziness find no excuses, because the game is worth the candle.

At least, by reinventing your routine, setting healthy boundaries within yourself and with the world, it improves the quality of life, brings joy to the existence, and helps to spend less of the precious time for worries/ stress recoveries etc. The main rule is to be gentle with yourself. Follow your intuition, feel what brings you happiness and follow your heart. Only in balance you can hear the quite voice of your soul. It already knows what you need the most in life. Do not let the noise of fear and stress drown out the voice of your heart. To live a life- is an art. Enjoy the process, explore as a child, and don’t bother yourself too much on the outcome. Just be, just do it, live it, let yourself be sad, be happy, let yourself cry when you need it, dance when you want to, be it all. Vibrate on a high level, be able to find the happiness within yourself and don’t forget to share it with others. Be in love with yourself, and make the whole world to fall in love with you. You are unique. You are special. You are You. You are me. I am you. We are one. The more beauty, passion and empathy we share with each other, the more beautiful world becomes. We all matter. God bless you 🙏🏻❤️

How does art impact mental health and vice versa

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In this article I would like to share my insights and experience on this topic, as to my opinion, it is interesting not only for professional creators, but for everyone in general.

In my previous blog I told you a story about my depression started at the age of 15. Back then, I wasn’t looking for information on internet how to cope with trauma, simply because I was an uneducated teenager who had no any clue in the psychology field. I would follow my intuition to choose some tools to cope with my grief. Since I was a little kid I had colourful intense imagination, full of alien friends, unusual scenery I never seen before, and this has always been a world in which everything was interesting and safe for me. Maybe because I was bullied since the kindergarten until my students years. I was this ugly duckling because of my height, and this was the reason I wanted to be better, faster and smarter than others, so they won’t have a reason to bully me again. But this happened not only among peers, but among teachers at school and professors at the university. So you know, staying in my room and escaping to my alien friends was a real miracle for my childhood psyche.
Having lost my father at the age of 15 destroyed this world as a result, the unusual colourful scenery turned into pitch darkness, alien friends disappeared somewhere, and I was left alone there. I felt the need to portray my loneliness, pain, defencelessness and loss in this huge world. Absorbed in the details, it was difficult not to notice how the process itself captivated and calmed me, bringing incredible pleasure. It was scary to share my darkness with someone, so paper and pen became my best friends for many years. I drew always and everywhere, as if I was keeping a diary of my life, but in illustrations. Usually you don’t show the secrets of your diary to others, only perhaps if you trust someone very much, so it always remained something very personal for me.

Over time, I moved to study in Kiev and by chance found myself in the creative environment of the fashion business. Being surrounded by so many different creatives such as designers, stylists, photographers, painters, musicians, make up artists, writers, sculptors etc, revealed in me the understanding that creating can become a life’s work. So my modeling career of 10 years, 5 of which I spent living and working in South-East Asia, has boosted my art flow and brought confidence to share my vision with the world. Fortunately, I had more understanding and support in foreign cultures, which eventually led me to the first sales of my graphic monochrome works. By that time, i had become a professional in my field, honing the skill of my dots and lines. I just had to be creative, working with only two colours, paper and pen. My work was deep, dark, brooding, and the amount of detail didn’t leave the viewer indifferent. It was difficult not to notice the painstaking and complexity of my art.

The people I was surrounded by: the managers of all my agencies, model friends and foreign friends encouraged me to share my art on social networks and go larger than a piece of paper. This subsequently led me to canvases, brushes and paints. At that time it was already a long journey of self-discovery at 10 years. This literally helped me grow and heal my childhood traumas of being an ugly duckling. Modelling career pushed me a lot as an artist, also by travelling, exploring the world through travels, different cultures and mentalities, gave a touch of being open minded and free. And the Internet world, in turn, led me to collaborations with famous musicians, more sales, to party organisers in Europe and my solo exhibition in the metropolis.

Summing up my story by asking whether I could have imagined this, I will say, OF COURSE NOT!
But I can confidently say that art helps with depression, anxiety and stress.
It boosts self-esteem, and makes feel great to have an ability to turn ideas into something physical. Art is a form of mental freedom. It’s for everyone. Art is therapeutic. Art is a tool that helps you practise self care by releasing everything you carry inside. Tool that clears up the space in your mind, heart and soul, and leaves your experience as a memory on canvas. It is proved that art can help process pain and provide a direct connection between the mind and body to help with the healing process.

Research by the American art therapy association has shown that engaging in just 45 minutes of art-making significantly reduced the levels of cortisol, across 75% of participants. Art forces the mind to slow down, to focus on the details, and it helps to block out the mind’s distractions, resulting in people feeling noticeably calmer and less anxious.

Art also activates the reward pathway of our brain: According to a study conducted in 2017, the results showed a significant increase in blood flow in the brain’s prefrontal cortex which controls our emotions and motivations. It is also where part of the brain’s reward system lies. When we expect to receive a reward, parts of the brain get activated to release dopamine, aka the ‘feel-good’ hormone. When released our blood flow, heart, and lung functions as well as our stress responses improve.

Using art as a mindfulness technique helps us to embrace our Inner Critic, tap into our creativity, focus on the sensations, and be in the present moment without judgment. It’s a break from our minds! So creating art in any form that is desirable for you is very beneficial in many ways, specially if used on a regular basis!!!

Let’s also take a look at it from the spiritual side and talk a little about Svadhisthana– the second chakra, also known as the creativity and sexual chakra. The word svadhisthana can be translated as “the dwelling place of the self,” and the element of the second chakra is water, which equals cohesiveness. A balanced second chakra leads to feelings of wellness, abundance, pleasure, and joy. When this chakra is out of balance, a person may experience emotional instability, fear of change, sexual dysfunction, depression, or addictions. You can open this chakra with creative expression and by honoring your body. The energy of this chakra is feminine, passive, and lunar.

Creativity: The Focus of The Second Chakra

As humans, it is part of our nature to create. This creativity can be expressed as procreation but the second chakra energy is certainly not limited to making babies. When we cook, bake, or garden, we are creating. We create when we find a new solution to an old problem. Any time we take raw materials, physical or mental, and transform them into something new, we are using our creative energy.

The problem with creativity is that we are often discouraged from creative efforts, starting with education. Once we pass through the phase where coloring, painting, or cutting paper is completely acceptable, it seems that we must mold into less creative beings. In order to conform, follow the rules and fit in, we sometimes lose our creative energy and thus, our unique ideas in the process. Adults become used to following what’s right, the latest trend, or what’s acceptable to others. Then, when asked to abstractly invent something new, we might have a difficult time doing it.

So “Play Like a Child to Awaken Your Creative Energy”

It’s about the skill of reconnecting with our inner child, who’s not afraid to take risks and not afraid of failure. We have an infinite amount of creative energy in us, and it MUST be used. Again, you will learn more about yourself, about your inner child, and you can find a way of finding a balance once it’s clear for the mind. From many different perspectives again, it’s healing for the mind, body and soul, and accessible practise to everyone.

Now, my role as a patient in psychotherapy also gave me the opportunity to reflect on my creativity on the path to recovery, on a completely different, new level for me, more conscious than ever before. So here are my insights on how does mental health impact art. I have a huge dark negative experience where the creativity unconsciously helped to save my life. And a smaller positive experience of working on myself, but no less significant. I can surely say that learning about the connection of mind, body and spirit has influenced a lot my life and specifically my art. Not only learning, but practicing mindfulness, self discipline, sport activities such as gym and running, contrast shower on a daily basis twice a day, had improved my stability and balance within myself. It increased the number of ideas, and the implementation of these ideas into reality, not only in quantity, but also in quality. Now, faced with life’s difficulties and vicissitudes, I spend much less time for coping mechanism than previously throughout my life. Working on supporting myself first and foremost has changed my approach to creativity. Of course, I still have doubts and insecurities, but this is not a destructive lever of creative routine that can stop me. With this, I want to destroy the myth that all creatives are dependent on destructive habits to help them create, such as ‘sex, drugs, rock’n’roll’ lifestyle. I mean, for a long play you need your balance, you need your concentration, consistency, and healthy relationships with yourself. When you are a creator and an influencer you get the responsibility for what you are sharing with the world, what message you need to send out there, for touching the minds and the souls of others.

In general, these are my modest observations and conclusions based on personal experience. One day I will return to this topic for a deeper study. But for now, I’d like to say to everyone who’s reading this. No matter the age, the background, the religious and financial situation, wherever you are and whoever you are at any phase of life – just do it. Do whatever makes you happy – dance, sing, make music, draw, act, sculpt, make clothing, literally – just do whatever that makes you feel fulfilled and what makes you fall in love with yourself. Be gentle and patient to yourself in everything you do, be curious, be wandering, explore. The process is a beautiful matter, not the result. Result is just one of many other benefits you get on the way. Dream big. But just do it. Be You. The best version of You.

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My artist’s experience during the war

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Choosing a topic for my first blog post I was thinking for awhile, what is it that I want to share with the world? And the idea didn’t take too long to appear.
Since February 24th 2022 Ukraine has been invaded and life of every Ukrainian has turned upside down forever, and I was no exception either.  
It would be good to clarify a little about my background before I share the current story.

I returned to live in Ukraine in May 2019, after 2 beautiful years living in Thailand. Before returning I had my first solo exhibition in Bangkok called “My journey from the darkness to the light”, where I had a collection of paintings exploring my depression, which I suffer with since 15 y.o. after my father passed away. Ever since then my life was a mental rollercoaster and that is when and why I started to draw. Drawing was the only one ability for me to express my pain on the paper. So, the depression which led me to a bipolar disorder was a curse and a blessing at the same time. I am lack for words to describe how proud I was of myself to have come so far in my passionate escape from the reality – creating art. But.. just 4 days before the opening of the event my granny passed away. Grief completely consumed me, again, for years. And I returned to Ukraine after one month when my exhibit was over.

I went very deep into my depressive hermit mode, spinning in a mad dance of self-destruction, pushing myself to the limit. Over and over again. I didn’t take any brushes, hadn’t create any artwork for the next few years. I can now call that period of time “the dark night of the soul”. I didn’t know who am I and what am I for, everything was too senseless. I remember I was laughing over myself for the name of my exhibition, and how silly it was to think I was somewhere near to the light, being in a darkest place I’ve ever been in my entire life. My desperation made me very broke, and after being a professional model who earned nice cash it was a catastrophe, and my self esteem got worse, because I didn’t know what life to build here in Ukraine after such a crazy experience of being a model and living for about 5 years in total in South-East Asia. I was a black sheep, and felt very insecure among everyone else. My family never took my art serious and would always push me to get a ‘real’ job. And I tried, and this took me literally nowhere. I felt such a great potential in me, that I just couldn’t accept to become an ordinary girl with an ordinary job. That’s when I asked my mother for help and got into the psychoanalysis.

It absolutely had a positive dynamic, I started to visit gym on a regular basis, quit drinking, and the most important I started to paint again. My life has acquired not only meaning for me, but also a value. I had a chance to paint at the studio of an Honored Artist of Ukraine Leonid Zaborovsky. Under his mentorship I’ve become more confident in my creativity and skills set and started my most complicated large canvas. I started to think of my next exhibition and how I see it and what the message is, this made me not only happy, but alive, energised and motivated. My mental health was stable and I was in good accepting relationships with myself. It didn’t last long, because the war came into my homeland.

And it took my stable life away from me. Just at the very beginning my bipolar got into maniac phase and I felt an urge and power to save my city Chernihiv. All the injustice, darkness, destruction and grief led me to the warrior mode and all I wanted is to fight and scream, so that the whole world can hear my roar, can see the pain and give a helping hand. And my cry was heard, my videos went viral and a huge number of people worldwide became my support, strength and opportunity to save thousands of lives. The power of the internet is simply incredible… The miracle happened in my private life too and at that most unexpected moment I met the love of my life, Mykyta. Together we became unstoppable power couple and helped many many many people and animals around us. It was a beautiful period, better than in any movie. This is when I found out truly the meaning of ‘my journey from the darkness to the light’. But, miracles tend to come to their logic finale. Hard nervous work, empathy for every single person you meet, sleepless nights and endless requests for help drove me crazy. After half year of such an intense pace I became deflated and gave up. I wanted peace and quiet. I couldn’t understand who all these people around me were and why I came up with the idea I was a super woman.

And then I thought it was a perfect time for peace and solitude with my partner, where we should adjust our relationship. He was and still is my great support, my leader and inspiration. His faith in me and in my art took me further than I ever was. At the beginning of 2023 I decided that it’s going to be my year and I will finally will get into the ‘full time artist’ mode and make all my ideas come to reality. It’s been 8 months since I have my own tiny studio, where I made my best new paintings, started to hand tuft rugs out of my sketches and designs, and where I’m writing this post from. I also started my YouTube channel, I dreamed of it for years and years, but I never had the confidence of opening my mouth to a camera. But the war taught me to speak on a camera and not to worry what other people may think and say about me. The war taught me to be present, to fully experience the moment of now. Living and knowing that any day can possibly become the last one it pushes me to take the most out of every new day. The war taught me to be strong. It taught me to love and to be loved. It brought many new people into my life, a lot of new books and knowledge. It taught me to see colours. My early works always been in black and white because I never seen life as something colourful. Paradox is that now all my paintings are colourful, as is the desire to live a colourful, vibrant life. For the first time, I don’t want to visualise depression, pain, grief, blood… I discovered new me and absolutely brilliant inner world that I have. I am now being more aware, since i started a new therapy and being medicated, of who and what am I. More educated about myself, more self-disciplined, more conscious. I refuse to give what I have now to the role of a victim. I just want to live, love and create.

I may not be as successful as I desired but when I turn back I see how much I’ve grown and this is my personal success. Seeing it – not willing to stop. To be an artist – is to play a long game, accept its difficulties, and be driven by the passion even if you’re not ‘an artist in demand’. To be a painter is a very hard at times and it has a lot to do with an ego, with the comparison with others and with constant control of your uniqueness on one side. And with being educated in entrepreneurship, marketing, design etc on the other. Working in such crazy, chaotic and historical time – is a very unique experience to me. Living my life as an expat previously who was trying to run away from the problems, I now choose to stay and go through this until the end. What breaks us – makes us, I choose to be living on the ground and to take with me through all my life the knowledge I earn by living in Ukraine. I experience the fragility and strength, disappointment and hope, the darkness and the light, hatred and love – all this in the most saturated colours you can imagine. I don’t feel I’m cursed any more, I only feel blessed. Blessed to learn and grow, to live, love and create. ❤️🙏🏻