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Choosing a topic for my first blog post I was thinking for awhile, what is it that I want to share with the world? And the idea didn’t take too long to appear.
Since February 24th 2022 Ukraine has been invaded and life of every Ukrainian has turned upside down forever, and I was no exception either.
It would be good to clarify a little about my background before I share the current story.
I returned to live in Ukraine in May 2019, after 2 beautiful years living in Thailand. Before returning I had my first solo exhibition in Bangkok called “My journey from the darkness to the light”, where I had a collection of paintings exploring my depression, which I suffer with since 15 y.o. after my father passed away. Ever since then my life was a mental rollercoaster and that is when and why I started to draw. Drawing was the only one ability for me to express my pain on the paper. So, the depression which led me to a bipolar disorder was a curse and a blessing at the same time. I am lack for words to describe how proud I was of myself to have come so far in my passionate escape from the reality – creating art. But.. just 4 days before the opening of the event my granny passed away. Grief completely consumed me, again, for years. And I returned to Ukraine after one month when my exhibit was over.
I went very deep into my depressive hermit mode, spinning in a mad dance of self-destruction, pushing myself to the limit. Over and over again. I didn’t take any brushes, hadn’t create any artwork for the next few years. I can now call that period of time “the dark night of the soul”. I didn’t know who am I and what am I for, everything was too senseless. I remember I was laughing over myself for the name of my exhibition, and how silly it was to think I was somewhere near to the light, being in a darkest place I’ve ever been in my entire life. My desperation made me very broke, and after being a professional model who earned nice cash it was a catastrophe, and my self esteem got worse, because I didn’t know what life to build here in Ukraine after such a crazy experience of being a model and living for about 5 years in total in South-East Asia. I was a black sheep, and felt very insecure among everyone else. My family never took my art serious and would always push me to get a ‘real’ job. And I tried, and this took me literally nowhere. I felt such a great potential in me, that I just couldn’t accept to become an ordinary girl with an ordinary job. That’s when I asked my mother for help and got into the psychoanalysis.
It absolutely had a positive dynamic, I started to visit gym on a regular basis, quit drinking, and the most important I started to paint again. My life has acquired not only meaning for me, but also a value. I had a chance to paint at the studio of an Honored Artist of Ukraine Leonid Zaborovsky. Under his mentorship I’ve become more confident in my creativity and skills set and started my most complicated large canvas. I started to think of my next exhibition and how I see it and what the message is, this made me not only happy, but alive, energised and motivated. My mental health was stable and I was in good accepting relationships with myself. It didn’t last long, because the war came into my homeland.
And it took my stable life away from me. Just at the very beginning my bipolar got into maniac phase and I felt an urge and power to save my city Chernihiv. All the injustice, darkness, destruction and grief led me to the warrior mode and all I wanted is to fight and scream, so that the whole world can hear my roar, can see the pain and give a helping hand. And my cry was heard, my videos went viral and a huge number of people worldwide became my support, strength and opportunity to save thousands of lives. The power of the internet is simply incredible… The miracle happened in my private life too and at that most unexpected moment I met the love of my life, Mykyta. Together we became unstoppable power couple and helped many many many people and animals around us. It was a beautiful period, better than in any movie. This is when I found out truly the meaning of ‘my journey from the darkness to the light’. But, miracles tend to come to their logic finale. Hard nervous work, empathy for every single person you meet, sleepless nights and endless requests for help drove me crazy. After half year of such an intense pace I became deflated and gave up. I wanted peace and quiet. I couldn’t understand who all these people around me were and why I came up with the idea I was a super woman.
And then I thought it was a perfect time for peace and solitude with my partner, where we should adjust our relationship. He was and still is my great support, my leader and inspiration. His faith in me and in my art took me further than I ever was. At the beginning of 2023 I decided that it’s going to be my year and I will finally will get into the ‘full time artist’ mode and make all my ideas come to reality. It’s been 8 months since I have my own tiny studio, where I made my best new paintings, started to hand tuft rugs out of my sketches and designs, and where I’m writing this post from. I also started my YouTube channel, I dreamed of it for years and years, but I never had the confidence of opening my mouth to a camera. But the war taught me to speak on a camera and not to worry what other people may think and say about me. The war taught me to be present, to fully experience the moment of now. Living and knowing that any day can possibly become the last one it pushes me to take the most out of every new day. The war taught me to be strong. It taught me to love and to be loved. It brought many new people into my life, a lot of new books and knowledge. It taught me to see colours. My early works always been in black and white because I never seen life as something colourful. Paradox is that now all my paintings are colourful, as is the desire to live a colourful, vibrant life. For the first time, I don’t want to visualise depression, pain, grief, blood… I discovered new me and absolutely brilliant inner world that I have. I am now being more aware, since i started a new therapy and being medicated, of who and what am I. More educated about myself, more self-disciplined, more conscious. I refuse to give what I have now to the role of a victim. I just want to live, love and create.
I may not be as successful as I desired but when I turn back I see how much I’ve grown and this is my personal success. Seeing it – not willing to stop. To be an artist – is to play a long game, accept its difficulties, and be driven by the passion even if you’re not ‘an artist in demand’. To be a painter is a very hard at times and it has a lot to do with an ego, with the comparison with others and with constant control of your uniqueness on one side. And with being educated in entrepreneurship, marketing, design etc on the other. Working in such crazy, chaotic and historical time – is a very unique experience to me. Living my life as an expat previously who was trying to run away from the problems, I now choose to stay and go through this until the end. What breaks us – makes us, I choose to be living on the ground and to take with me through all my life the knowledge I earn by living in Ukraine. I experience the fragility and strength, disappointment and hope, the darkness and the light, hatred and love – all this in the most saturated colours you can imagine. I don’t feel I’m cursed any more, I only feel blessed. Blessed to learn and grow, to live, love and create. ❤️🙏🏻
Hi 🙂 I started following you on TikTok with your videos about the war, but gradually, I began to discover more about you and your art. You’re very brave in showing your vulnerability and in sharing that life is not a bed of roses, but it’s up to us to find the beauty amidst all the chaos. You’re very inspiring! I love what you do; you have many artistic talents, not only in painting but also in words. All my support for the paths you pursue 🙂 Many greetings from Germany
Hello Julia,
First of all I wanna show deep respect for everything you achieved until now. Life is challenging every day, but surviving a war is heavy stuff. I see your progress day by day, as if it is a movie playing in front of me, in which I’m the watcher having no control to push any button and create a different outcome.
Luckily I’m no director to change the script cause I believe in this theatre we all have to play our own role to vanquish and overcome our own struggles. However, what we can do is playing a friendly artist in the same movie and respond to each other giving positive input, or by offering challenging opportunities to create a different view. If anyone wanna join and play along, let us invite them with the job that the content should be given without judgement or distortion of the truth. However here is where ego is involved, unfortunately many homo sapiens are not capable to set aside the ego.
Imagery the outcome of a world without ego is probably impossible, but what we can do is showing the world the better self of people who want the positive change without war. And although there is a ‘war’ going on inside our heads all the time, it is possible to be the change. And you, my dear friend Julia, are the proverbial example of the change and goodness itself. Cherish that goodness and spread it to the world throughout your art is what you do and I simply love it. And although our world is black and white every now and then, you changed into colors to color up the world. And exactly that is what we need.
Ending with a prediction, I’d like to say: “looking forward to the day to officially open your newest exhibition in Chernihiv, cause I believe that day will come”.
Embrace and hug,
Erik.
You are trully brave.
You are the one who inspired me to bring help for guys like you escsping to my country.
Best wishes to you, stay strong!
Juli I’ve known you since the beginning of war . And admire and am empowered by your journey . Your hell you and Ukraine are living with us unimaginable . I stand with you and with Ukraine . I am honored to be your friend and confidant. You are an amazing human being ,talented ,model ,artist ,journalist ,volunteer,,psychotherapist,fitness guru ,writer , blogger ,role model …I am so grateful to have you in my life and am looking forward to your current amazing artist and future psychotherapist career. Your blog is written beautifully and I look forward to many more .from one strong woman to another ,much love and admiration 🫶🏽. The universe is a richer place with you in it my dear friend! ,I love you . Amy .
Julia❤️❤️❤️podziwiam Cię i z całego serca życzę Ci, wszystkiego czego pragnie Twoja dusza
You are as brilliant of a writer as you are artist, good Samaritan, public speaker, model, intellect, etc. Reading this brings me back to the moment we made friends on IG when you were in Indonesia. I remember those experiences and I was so drawn to you as a fellow star soul. You are a golden child and you are doing your mission here on Earth. Unfortunately pain is the catalyst for much growth if we aren’t too broken first to arise out of it. Being a Phoenix doesn’t happen overnight, though, but rather gradually with repeated similar traumas. Your description of the chronological chain of events in your life is so perfectly illustrating the process you have gone through to achieve your present day strength and pursuit and attainment of happiness. You have won the hearts of people worldwide with your passion and love for your country. You risked your life for others while I worried about you like you’re one of my kids. I have never known someone your age who is such an inspiration and determined soul even if you’re exhausted and broken. I learned so much from your experience working as a volunteer. Death of loved ones takes us to different level. It changed my life and made me stronger. Maybe our dads went inside us and worked magic through us. None of these events are coincidental. You were primed for big things your whole life because your existence is critical as you represent what I hope every human can attain. -the idea of love and working towards a better world. I am so glad you are my friend and we are in a tribe together. There are no coincidences and random meetings in life. You are an old soul and I’m so proud of you to have this blog and I will check out your YouTube also. You give people hope and show us we can have the power to change our life too. You are a true lover of people and show people how to be brave and be open and transparent about human dysfunction and that it is not shameful. It is evident that society and world issues which are not in our hands causes human dysfunction and the Ukraine war showed me that I can’t have anything to fear when I watched you in your apartment with the missile strike outside your building. I’m crying just remembering it. Terrified. Watching you have no water. Your Polish interview. I just got out of the hospital to find the war happening and I was happy to be alive after a week in hospital fighting to keep my nose from MRSA and realized the perspective of what you were experiencing. It wasn’t comparable. You had to problem solve and I got strength from watching your vids. The one of you getting some water finally and washing your hair. I watched everyday for so long. I tried to raise money and you inspired me to try and help raise money. I just saw a post of little Roman getting his new skin finally. the same boy you raised money for which I donated for. I never went on a blog before so I don’t know what to write because I’ve already told you so much throughout the many years I’ve known you and you have been there for me and taught me to open up and not be ashamed of pain and dysfunction. Thank you with all my heart and this blog is just a wonderful capsulation of your experience eventhough it is full of pain and struggle…it is your story to inspire others to get through their struggles and be full of gratitude and lust for life and happiness. Watching you bloom by returning to art was great as I saw you exhausted. I liked how honest you have been about your depression and so i can feel the contentedness you reached finally with your art. I can’t imagine the distractions and obstacles of war and i remember you discussing the dilemma of wanting to find peace in your art and feeling guilty at the same time for wanting to be happy inside and focus on you. You earned it. You put Ukriane first. It was frustrating for a while and now you really found your groove. We can feel the charge and the vibrance in your art work and your face and body show your state of mind and being which i am amazed anyone can attain in a war torn country. I’m so glad for you integrating psychology degree into your life and your art has always reflected a deepness and self reflection in a way that most people aren’t even that in tune with themselves or confident. We learn that all we have is ourself really and that we have to learn to survive in any environment or situation and to be happy and sound is something we have to learn to do for ourselves and I feel like you and I have shared this commonality. I love your imagery and the colors and textures so healing. So ethereal. You are not only a voice of Ukraine for the war, but a strong woman who is lucky to not go numb and lose her sensitivity, trust and hope. You showed anger at the war. But you didnt give up and when you took a break for yourself and social media…people were worried after missile strike in your town. Just goes to show how many adore you. But i am glad you take a break because thatbis part of taking care of you and you are doing great at juggling all your responsibilities. Love you.
You are so brave and inspiring 🤍🙏
It all began when TikTok’s algorithm allowed me to cross paths with you. The large-scale invasion of your country brought you thousands of followers, and I was one of them, anonymous, among many, eagerly awaiting updates every day: “Hello world, it’s day 6 of the war, and I’m still alive.” The worry when days passed without news. And like so many others, I discovered your supportive actions in the villages around Chernihiv, admired your courage and strength, tried to show support. Over time, I got to know you better because you shared so much of yourself. A human being with immense dignity and an even bigger heart, the talent to move, to speak directly to people’s hearts. Clear-minded, full of hope despite the dark hours, you know how to keep hope alive in others, and as an artist, you are talented at evoking emotions. I admire you greatly for your ability to capture, to feel, to transform, to paint all emotions, ultimately making them come alive. When I received my first package from you (a T-shirt purchased from your website), it came with confetti, wrapped with love, and I will never forget the anticipation of the package and the joy when I unpacked it. Now we talk a little, share some thoughts and I am no longer just one of thousands of anonymous followers. So I hope to continue following your life journey, to support you if you need it. You help massively to keep faith in the human kind, so thank you for being who you are, precious and unique. I feel blessed to know you.